PARENTING TEENS IN TODAY'S TECH-FILLED LIFESTYLE

Guest Blogger: Angela Linders

Parenting may be a practice that is older than humanity itself, but it’s something that every mother or father is still trying to master.  Each generation comes with a new set of knowledge, ground rules, cultural changes and lifestyles that require what the previous generation new to evolve and the right parenting habits be altered.  Today’s kids are being raised in a completely different set of circumstances from their parents and those adults didn’t have the same upbringing as the grandparents of their children.  

Many of the basics may be the same, but the details in parenting teens nowadays, couldn’t be more different than they used to be.  Never before has a society been more dependent on technology.  The concept of social media and teens alone can be rather overwhelming.  Today, the average tech teen needs a smartphone and to purchase a power bank and external battery charger case just to make sure they can get through an average day. 

Gone are the days of massive desktops that required us to stay tethered to the wall while we prayed that the power wouldn’t fail.  Now, a power bank and good quality external battery charger case will keep a smartphone running and safe regardless of where they are and what they’re doing.  This makes the experience for today’s teens far different from those of generations before.  So, what are the right parenting habits for this generation? Do we really know what we’re doing?

Studies have shown that parents with kids younger than 8 years old will play or watch content before their kids are allowed to see it (57 percent.)  Many parents (34 percent) will listen to recommendations provided by friends and family before showing content to their child.  Another 31 percent will trust a company’s reputation when deciding whether its content is acceptable for their kids.  Surprisingly, 1 in 4 parents simply let their young children find their own content for viewing, while 13 percent will look at the website’s reviews first and 5 percent will look at magazine or newspaper reviews for a site.

In the case of teens, the relationship shifts a little bit. Where it’s easier for us to see things in black and white for younger kids, teens are older and have greater independence and freedom.  Most teens – 90 percent, in fact – feel that their parents trust their ability to be responsible with their online activities.  That said, 45 percent said that if their parents were watching, they would alter something about the way they behaved online.  Even among pre-teens, nearly 70 percent have admitted to hiding some of their online activities.   

With that in mind, it may be worth a second look at what is hidden inside a teen son or daughter’s external battery charger case.

MOURNING THE LOSS OF SOMEONE YOU DID NOT KNOW

Jose Fernandez, age 24 (Image Source: Miami Marlins)

Is it possible to mourn the loss of someone you did not know personally? How do you put that loss into perspective?  After someone's death, people tend to remind you that you should "live life to the fullest" or "enjoy life as if it was your last," or "tell your loved ones you love them everyday." Well, even when we do all these things, does it really make losing a loved one or someone we cared about any easier?  I think not.  Death is never easy to accept and it is something we, as humans have enormous trouble coming to terms with.  Well, what happens when you feel a huge loss over the death of someone you never knew personally? 

I feel like I am always writing about death and grief, but it just seems that it is a constant flow of "only the good die young."  I have experienced enough loss first-hand but this week was a new one for me, especially as a parent.      

Upon hearing of the un-timely death of young baseball superstar, Jose Fernandez, in a tragic boating accident, on September 25, 2016, my 9-year old was devastated. At first, when he heard the news, he was a little saddened, even saying "he knew he was in a better place," but as the day went by and the story was all over the news, the reality that his favorite baseball player had died, hit him hard.  He was crying intermittently all day, as he recalled seeing him pitch at various Miami Marlins baseball games.

Source: AP

Even in the afternoon, when he was at the hockey rink, his favorite place to be,  he over-heard adults talking about the loss of this amazing young baseball player. It was everywhere.  I thought I could distract him by allowing him to go on his PlayStation when we got home, but that only lead to having more tears come streaming down, as number #16 came up on his virtual roster of his Miami Marlins PlayStation team.

As the day worn on, there were moments when he literally sobbed. It broke my heart and scared me a little too that he could be this affected by the death of someone he did not know personally. He has always been a very sensitive & self-less kid, being extremely concerned about the feelings of others and being overly sympathetic to the well-being of animals or to someone who is not being treated fairly, but this death, this was hitting him hard.

So excited to go see a Miami Marlins game

He has experienced death in the family before, as his aunt died of cancer and his great-grandmother passed away last year. However, he never really got to interact with either of them very much.  He did cry and was saddened upon their passing but this, this was too much, for his young heart to bear and I struggle to understand it, this is also why I write, in an effort to make sense of things.

Which leads me to now - How in the world do I explain to my child not to mourn the loss of someone he never really knew?  I am not an insensitive person, I just do not want my child to suffer every death in the future and every bad thing that happens in the world  as if it was only upon his shoulders.  I recognize it is still too soon, for him to understand that "no one gets out alive."  Even for us adults, it is extremely difficult to accept the death of someone so young and so full of life, however, I need him to know the difference - or do I?

Do I want him to stop being an overly sensitive, caring soul?  Do I want him to stop having empathy and compassion for those he loves, respects and admires?  No! I don't.

The death of Jose Hernandez has hit those of us who did not know him personally, very hard, because I think, we can innately recognize a soul that is pure love, pure life.  His exuberance and his joy on the field was evident. If we, the strangers, feel this enormous loss, I cannot even fathom what his family and friends are going through, and I cannot even begin to imagine the unfathomable pain of loss that his mother and grandmother are experiencing.

It is in the passing of this wonderful young man, who was only 24-years of age, that I have come to realize, that it is okay to feel the loss of someone you never met, especially someone of such an amazing character, as was Jose Fernandez.  While, I still believe it is unhealthy to harp on the death of someone you did not know, it is also a sign of true compassion and empathy and those are the qualities I have always tried to instill in my children.

So as the baseball community and South Florida bids farewell to Jose Fernandez, I will make sure to let my son know, it is okay to express sorrow for someone he admired so much. I am sure my son will learn to watch his favorite team again without being sad but as the days go by, I will also make sure to teach him about what an amazing human being Fernandez was. How he was a philanthropist and did all that he could to help children with cancer. I will teach him how Fernandez risked his life to leave the oppressed country of my parents, Cuba.  I will remind him how he jumped into the dangerous waters during this escape to save his own mother, at only age 15.  I will point out to him what an amazing community member he was and how he lived his life with extreme joy and passion.  I will teach him, that like my own parents and grandparents, he left a dictatorship seeking freedom to live the American dream and how important it is to stand up for what you believe in.

And some day, maybe someday, he will understand that no one lives forever, and that God sometimes takes those who have accomplished their "mission" on Earth, a little too early.

Jose meant a lot of things to many different people and in writing this, I realize now, just how important he was to my son, as well, and how it is okay to mourn someone you never knew.

However, life does go on...

~LissetteRo

R.I.P. Jose Fernandez

Sen. Marco Rubio tribute to Jose Fernandez 

  

 

FAMILY OVER EVERYTHING

FOE - Family Over Everything: Surrounding your kids with the love of family is so important! Whether it is with cousins, older siblings, grandparents, or friends, who are like family - having that feeling - that sense of "family" is an amazing emotional motivator. It helps a child (and even an adult) feel loved and welcomed and makes them feel part of something bigger. 

If you have family close by, treasure them, spend time with them. If they are not close, reach out and call. Appreciate those who love you unconditionally! ❤️🙏🏻 

 

Family Over Everything Shop -  https://bit.ly/FOEShop

#family  #familygoals #blatpack #bellos #rods #familia #lafamiglia #foe #unconditionallove #thepowertobehappy 

Cafepress.com/miamoondesigns

FRESHMAN YEAR - MOMS BE AWARE

Here is another great article from Guest Blogger, Ani Brioso, of Solo Love!  When I read this article asking if I had a freshman in high school, I immediately answered yes!  Then, I was floored as I read the content.  We are living in seriously different & dangerous times, although I guess every older generation before us, must have thought the same thing.

Nonetheless, this is a very serious topic, one which is well-worth sharing.  Thank you Ani, for sharing this with other parents!

IMPORTANT FOR MOMS TO BE AWARE OF....

Do you have a Freshman girl in High School?  Well I do & I am soooo grateful that I have the relationship that I do with her up to now.  

I have always tried to build a very good relationship with both of my daughters in the hopes that they can always know that they can count on me, talk to me about anything, know that I will have an open mind or try to and give them the best advice that I know how.  I sit here thinking to myself how this was a story that needed to be told and I had to tell it before I went to bed tonight.  

Well, today I was super grateful and I will tell you why....

Today, I went to drop off my oldest with a group of friends who gathered for a study group for there physics class.  It was a group of 10 students who truly help each other out and am happy because it is a group of kids with very good grades.  As I dropped off my oldest, I decided to have some mother/daughter bonding time with my 15-year old and go have pizza at a recently new pizza place in town.  As we were sitting at the table, after we placed our order, she looked at me and told me "Mom, you know how I always tell you things?" And of course, I replied "Yes," as I was thinking inside of me "Oh No, what is she about to tell me & am I ready for it?" She proceeds to tell me "Well, today I decided that I really do not want to go & I am glad that you have not allowed me to go to the high school football games because I found out about a club called the Freshman 500".  So I, of course, do not think much about it and ask her what is the Freshman 500.  She then tells me that it's a club for boys to see who can have the most sex with girls Freshman year in high school and if they have it at a football game they will get more points and end up getting $500.

I was in shock.  I was trying not to freak out totally in front of her thinking OMG!!!  Then I had lost a bit of my appetite for pizza.  Also, I thought..."DEAR GOD, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR HAVING HER FEEL SO COMFORTABLE WITH ME & BE SO HONEST & JUST TELL ME THINGS, EVEN THOUGH THEY PUT ME IN COMPLETE SHOCK & I MIGHT END UP HAVING A POSSIBLE HEART ATTACK"... Then I think to myself "$500?...  Where would kids even get that kind of money?...Is this someone lying to her?  Pulling a prank?... And for heavens name, the fact that they are even thinking of such things is horrible"

As we keep talking & I my ears are open completely wide & my mind & body are completely focused on this conversation with her, she tells me that this girl that she knows but stays away from, because the girl dresses inappropriate (which I love when she says that) and the girl also is very easy with boys & has already had sex with boys came up yelling, like happy but in shock, that she was part of the club.  All I am thinking is "HUH?"  Apparently this girl saw nothing wrong with the fact that she was one of the girls that one of the boys had sex with and was trying to reach the highest number.  ONCE AGAIN, MY MIND IS SAYING "OMG...OMG...OMG" We proceed to have the conversation and of course, I talk to her & let her know how super proud I am of her & how grateful & happy that I am that she feels she can talk to me about these things.  I then talk to her about how boys will say things just to see what they can get from a girl, how once a girl has a bad reputation everyone will know and if a person hangs out with a person like that then people will perceive to believe that everyone around that person is just as easy & the same.  I explain to her about how the time is going to come that I will allow her to go to games and how careful she must be and never stay alone or go alone to the bathroom.  How she can not trust or just be with a boy alone or her be the only girl in a group of boys and soooo much more.  I am not sure if some of you may think it is a bit too much but I have always felt that I rather be honest and warn my daughters about the worse and have them think twice about an action.  I always tell them every action has a consequence in everything in life and one must try to think very hard and what the worse might be before taking an action.  I tell them, that is now and for the rest of there lives.  That does not mean that mistakes will not be made, of course they will, but I explain how it just might save them from unwanted situations like with boys.  

Now, regarding this Freshman 500 club.  The fact that children, at the age of 15, are talking about this type of stuff is just scary.  What happened to be kids and having fun in a descent way.  Girls just thinking boys are cute and that is it. About if they might get a disease or even die from a disease.  Do they not think how many others a person might be with.  If they can become parents at a very young age.  Apparently, not and it is very sad.  I know I cannot fix the freshman class and the mentality of so many kids but I sure know that I will continue to try my best to talk to my girls, pray they make the right decisions, think before they act, share stories, try to open there eyes & continue every day of my life to talk, talk, talk and just let them know I am here for them.  I am not sure if that is something that is happening in many other schools but I sure did not want to just stay quiet and not share this with any parent.  Moms or dads.  So parents, just be aware & try to talk more to your kids to find out what is going on in there high school.  Now, I also want to let you know that my girls attend a very good public high school, in a very good area, with an amazing principal.  I have no complaints about the actual school.  I actually LOVE it.  It just is shocking what teens these days talk about or think about and I think, we as parents, should just keep trying to find out what is going on in there worlds.

To me the coolest part after all of this was when I asked my daughter, "Munchkin, I want to be honest with you and ask you if it will be alright for me to share this story on my blog so other parents can know just in case?" and she answers...."Yes, mom.  I think it would be a great idea because hopefully another mom can talk to her kids like you do with us and they will not do anything dumb and many moms will know this story so hopefully girls will not be so dumb".... and that was that!!!

(Author/Guest Blogger:  Ani Brioso)

TIME MANAGEMENT (Guest Post from Solo Love)

The following post was written by guest blogger, Ani Araujo-Brioso of Solo Love

For MANY YEARS, I have been trying to manage my time as a single mom & it honestly feels impossible.  Have you ever noticed that the word "time" has the "ME" in it?  Which in Moms World that means "ME TIME"...  but yet so many moms do not even get to enjoy or have "ME" time.  Why is that?  Is it because we have to wear so many hats, cuz we have to not only work but clean house, cook meals, delegate, deal with homework, mood swings, kids always complaining that they have no life or are bored, want a dog, a cat, a fish but do not seem to want to take care of them but only play with them, worry about the bills, our weight, our looks, getting older, clothes do not fit, wardrobe outdated, would love a massage but have no time & I can go on & on & on...

So I think to myself...what can I start changing to have "ME TIME"?  

Well, one thing that I use to do & it would work was schedule my day ahead.  I LOVE my agenda but I am not very good at either giving myself realistic times or being strict about following my time schedule.  So starting today, I will begin to use my AGENDA much better.  I will be giving myself realistic goals, time slots and even writing (because I like writing down much better than using my phone calendar, as my phone is not the best & I always forget to back it up...Lol)  the times to pick up the kids, go do groceries with a LIST, clean, cook & more.  I recently moved to Georgia from South Florida (over a year ago) and still have not organized the house.

Something else that I have gotten away from, which I would give myself even if it was half an hour, was READ a book & even MEDITATE.  Meditating not only helps you start your day off to a brighter start but helps you feel good and gives you a few minutes of peace.  So that is something that I need to add to my AGENDA and give myself, at least, one hour for those two.  The biggest challenge will be not answering the phone or texting a friend for that time frame.

Once a month I believe that every mom deserves some pampering.  Whether it be a massage or facial.  One sacrifice that I have been making for a few years now has been being a member to a Massage Spa.  Massage Envy has been the membership that I have never cancelled in the last few years even when times have been extremely tough.  The great part of having the membership with Massage Envy has been that if I am truly going thru some financial hardship, as I truly have, a person gets to "freeze the account for the time that you feel is needed".  That means that if you choose or feel that you cannot or need a financial break for either 2, 3, 5, or 6 months of making that monthly payment, you are allowed to do so.  Bad part is that you cannot have your massage during that time, of course.  The other good news is that if you are not able to go on a monthly basis to have a massage, the time gets accumulated so you do not loose it.  Example, I currently have 12 hours of massage or I can even have a facial at a location that offers it.  So if you are a mom that can afford or budget yourself $59 a month, then I would so do so.  It is all about finding yourself a masseuse that you feel comfortable with & knows how to destress you within a very quiet environment with soothing music.  I can go on & on about this....

As I can continue to go on about this subject, I know that every mom has different interests, so my suggestion is depending on your interests, just be sure to give yourself that "ME TIME" that we each deserve.  I am not sure about you, but I am quite tired of never putting myself first.

FIGHT AGAINST CHILDHOOD CANCER

As a mom I am very proud of my daughter and would like to share her page with you all.  Her team, Alex's Angels is raising awareness and money in the fight against childhood cancer.

Every time I see or hear about children with cancer, it tears at my heart. My own mother died of cancer and I have watched many people I know and loved, also die from this horrible disease.

I invite you to visit Alex's Angels team page and join in the fight against childhood cancer by supporting St. Jude's Children's Hospital.  If there is at least a little difference we can all make, we should.

http://fundraising.stjude.org/goto/alexsangels

FIRST JOB APP EVER!

Wahoo!! Guess who filled out her 1st job application ever? 👍🏻💪🏻 Yup! That's right my teenager just turned 14 and she asked me to drive her to fill out a job application! 

You go girl! I was still being really lazy at that age but, "Shhh! Don't tell her!" LOL! #teenlife #welcometoreallife